Dak v. Deshaun: Dawn of Kismet
Walkthrough weighs in on A Tale of Two Quarter-Billion-Dollar QBs, gets physical with the Rams and Bears, summarizes the rookie QBs and braces for another Falcons season. Plus Week 1 Awards and more!
Gosh, I had forgotten how much I hate Dak Prescott’s pre-snap cadence. “Here We Gooooooooo,” he bellows, sounding like Gonzo the Great announcing that he’s about to push the plunger on a “pyrotechnics display” that will blow him to chicken feathers and smithereens.
We’ll be hearing Prescott’s barbaric yelp in Cowboys games for another four years. Might as well get used to it. And frankly, it was a welcome sound after months without football. After all, anything is better than watching, thinking or caring about Deshaun Watson.
Let’s get straight to this Sunday’s action, which felt a lot like New Year’s Day college bowl games: exciting and fun, but not quite the main event that they used to be.
Half-Billion Dollar Quarterback Bowl: Cowboys 33, Browns 17
Hours after his $240-million contract extension was announced, Dak Prescott led the Cowboys onto the field and did what he usually does in regular-season games. He made sharp throws, smart pre-snap adjustments and (mostly) shrewd decisions with the football. He connected with CeeDee Lamb (also recently and lavishly compensated) and Brandin Cooks, handed off to old buddy Ezekiel Elliott, and kept the offense puttering along while the star-studded Cowboys defense feasted and kicker Brandon Aubrey turned stalled drives into long field goals. Returner KaVontae Turpin pitched in with a punt return touchdown to put the game out of reach midway through the third quarter.
Deshaun Watson and the Browns were without offensive tackles Jack Conklin and Jedrick Wills, and it showed. They drove for a field goal in their first series but executed three plays or less on each of their next seven. Watson looked just like he did in 2022 and 2023: a victim of divine retribution. Sweet, fully-earned divine retribution.
Tom Brady made his booth debut in this game. His insights were fine (if hyper-positive at times), but his voice has a rushed, nasally quality, making him sound like a filmbro podcaster overpraising Tarantino’s oeuvre at 1.5 speed.