Groping for Garoppolo: the 2024 NFL Backup QB Rankings
How screwed is your team if the starter gets hurt? COMPLETELY screwed, of course. But these laser-accurate backup quarterback rankings can help you determine how completely.
Evaluating backup quarterbacks is like examining an elephant while blindfolded. A flatulent elephant. With anger management issues. And an erection.
Ranking backups requires groping about at relief appearances, long-ago starting stints, preseason piecework, outdated scouting reports and general vibes to assemble an image of each quarterback’s actual skills/value which is probably wildly misleading and inaccurate. Fortunately, the quarterbacks on this list range from mediocre to dreadful, so the difference between fifth and 25th place boils down to little more than the difference between thinking “maybe the season isn’t totally over” the moment one of them grabs a helmet and thinking “oh, the season is definitely totally over.”
(A quick note for the literal-minded among you: these are technical backup-quarterback situation rankings, so teams with two noteworthy backups get credit for both.)
“Get You Through a Month” Backups
Most of the following backups have considerable starting experience or a track record of solid relief efforts. If forced to start for a month, they could go 2-2 to keep a contender in the race or perform well enough to prevent a rebuilding team from swan-diving into the tank.
1. Jimmy Garoppolo/Stetson Bennett, Los Angeles Rams
Garoppolo turns 33 years old in November and now forces employers to spin his Wheel of Unexpected Unavailability (Undisclosed injury! PED suspension!) upon signing him. But he’s also just two years removed from rescuing the 49ers from disaster like a chivalrous ex-boyfriend fixing a flat on the freeway. (I just happened to be driving a few car lengths behind you …) Garoppolo’s sole undeniable talent is his ability to hold down the fort for an already-stacked contender. Hence his presence on the Rams, who at least think they’re stacked.
Stetson Bennett threw five preseason interceptions but will back up Matthew Stafford during Garoppolo’s two-game suspension. If Stafford gets hurt in mid-September, nothing’s gonna matter anyway.
2. Justin Fields, Pittsburgh Steelers
Fields is unquestionably the most talented quarterback on this list. He is also the most likely quarterback to give both fans and opponents an “Oh, s**t” moment when he trots onto the field for the first time; defenders may be instructed to bring Russell Wilson to the ground gently early in the season.
Fields’ status near the top of this list is provisional, however, and he will plunge down to Failed Prospect Row if he replaces Russell Wilson in (let’s say) Week 8 and executes a few Justin Fields Specials: two first-quarter highlights followed by long second halves of scrambling laterally while trying to remember who his secondary target was supposed to be.
3. Jake Browning, Cincinnati Bengals
Browning is practically the Platonic ideal of a backup quarterback: a former UDFA who spent four years baking on practice squads before replacing injured Joe Burrow in 2023 and completing over 70 percent of his passes while keeping his team in the playoff chase. Browning demonstrates that the difference between a big-name backup and some rando who mastered his offensive coordinator’s Starbucks order might be rather slight. He also validates all the worst impulses of would-be quarterback gurus who think their schemes and mentorship can overcome yawning gaps in actual talent. But that should not be held against him.
4. Mitch Trubisky, Buffalo Bills
Premium backup quarterbacking is often indistinguishable from awful starting quarterbacking. Trubisky has a starter-caliber arm and legs, plus gobs of experience, a little bit of it good. In fact, he would rank higher if he didn’t end up as the wilted lettuce in a Kenny Pickett/Mason Rudolph sandwich last year.