Lions, Vikings, Ravens, Puppies, Kittens, Babies and Vibes

The Lions pass rush is in deep doo-doo. The Ravens are unstoppable in the trenches. Amari Cooper is 100% Deshaun free. And the NFC vibes remain ... strange.

Too Deep Zone kicks things off today by traveling around the country to see what the vibes are like in the locker rooms of the traditional NFC contenders.

Let’s start things off in Santa Clara. Hey, Coach Shanahan, how are the vibes in 49ers country?

KYLE SHANAHAN: Splendid. I avoided blowing a 23-3 lead over the Seahawks last Thursday night. barely. And we are finally overcoming the national tragedy of the Christian McCaffrey injury. Why, you can speak to any of our team leaders…

KYLE JUSZCZYK: Hey you! Yeah, you: the old guy with the goatee and the mini-recorder. Why are you hanging around my locker?

2DZ: Why, I am just a lowly media member conducting an interview. Rest assured that I am not one of those combative guys who …

JUSZCZYK: Are you watching me while I change? ARE YOU SIZING UP MY GALUMPKI?

2DZ: No! But golly, that sounds a little homophobic …

JUSZCZYK: I resent being called homophobic.

NICK BOSA: I don’t! Ask me anything about my sociopolitical worldview!

No thanks! Well, it sounds like the Niners are back on track from a team-culture standpoint. Let’s head down to Irving. Say, Jerry Jones, are you still mad that the Cowboys got hammered by the Lions on your birthday?

JERRAH: What’s your point?

2DZ: I’m just wondering if you think that the Cowboys would be in better shape if you retained some of your free agents this offseason, or acquired Derrick Hen …

JERRAH: If you think I’m interested in a damn interview about throwing all the good out with the dishwater, you have got to be smoking the wacky tobacky. Hell, any five or 10 of you coastal elite mamby-pamby media mama’s boys couldn’t do the job I do with one hand tied behind my back and the other around the neck of a fifth of Cutty Sark. Y’all really think you’re gonna sit here with a microphone and tell me all of the things that I’ve done wrong? That’s not your job. I’ll get somebody else to ask these questions.

2DZ: I don’t work for you.

JERRAH: In that case, I’ll fire you and replace you with someone who does.

Wow. Sounds like Jerrah needs a nap. Time to fly back home and over to South Philly. Hey, Coach Sirianni, have you taken the temperature of the Eagles locker room after that narrow victory over the Browns?

NICK SIRIANNI: Everything’s great, brah. Jalen Hurts and I are going bowling on Tuesday. Bryce Huff has switched from Cheerios to Wheaties. And Eagles fans are TOTALLY happy, except for a few loudmouth haters.

2DZ: Coach, I could not help but notice that you brought your children to this press conference.

SIRIANNI: So what? I love my kids.

2DZ: You also appear to have brought some puppies and kittens.

SIRIANNI: Who doesn’t love adorable puppies and kittens?

2DZ: Sure. But it looks like you are purposely shielding yourself from tough questions or criticism by surrounding yourself with people and things that tend to place the people speaking to you on our heels. Look, you are doing it even more now!

SIRIANNI: Listen, if you can’t say something in front of my kids, puppies, kittens, babies, bunnies, Buddha, Jesus, Taylor Swift and the American flag, maybe you shouldn’t say it at all, brah.

While Sirianni huffs copium and wraps himself in security blankets, let’s head out to Allen Park, Michigan. Coach Campbell, are you worried about the loss of Aidan Hutchinson ahead of your big matchup against the Vikings?