Metaphysical Musings on Super Bowl LVII, Episode II: Super Bowl LIX
The Eagles vanquished their inner demons. The Chiefs' Death Star blew up Ice Planet Buffalo again. Get ready for the sequel/reboot/rematch that most of the NFL world really wasn't clamoring for.
The Kansas City Chiefs will face the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl LIX, making it a sequel to Super Bowl LVII. Or maybe its a reboot. A rematch? Yeah, that’s the word this lifelong Eagles fan is searching for.
Let’s start with the fastest game capsules on earth:
Kansas City Chiefs 32, Buffalo Bills 29
Objectively, it was a tremendous football game. But for Bills fans and those weary of the Chiefs’ dominance, it was another epic tale of frustration and heartbreak.
The Chiefs took a 21-10 second-quarter lead that felt even larger — they were outplaying the Bills except for one drive set up by a fumble — but a Josh Allen-to-Mack Hollins bomb before halftime seemed to flip the earth’s magnetic axis. For a while, the Bills could do anything they wanted. Except succeed on a two-point conversion; they failed on two of those, sacrificing four points they ultimately needed. Or convert on fourth-and-short when they really needed to: an Allen sneak came up just short, or (if you are a Bills fan or the conspiratorial sort) not long enough to overcome the refs’ OBVIOUS SEASON-LONG BIAS TOWARD THE CHIEFS.
The Chiefs scored quickly to take a 29-22 lead after the Allen stop, but the Bills refused to fold. James Cook (two touchdowns earlier in the game), Mack Hollins (another bomb) and Curtis Samuel (drive-capping back-of-the-end-zone laser from Allen) helped them tie the game.
The Chiefs marched downfield on the next possession, the Bills defense held them to a field goal, and … damn, was this some primo s**t.
(Flowery descriptions don’t always do the drama justice.)
The Bills drove to the 47-yard line but faced fourth-and-5 at the two minute warning. Steve Spagnuolo called the “At my signal, unleash hell” blitz. Allen scrambled right, into a sea of red jerseys. He threw up a prayer to St. Jude, patron of lost causes. Dalton Kincaid, attempting a basket catch from his knees, nearly answered it.
The Bills had a chance to get the ball back if they could stop the Chiefs one last time. But of course Andy Reid ordered Patrick Mahomes to pass on third-and-5 with the Bills out of timeouts. And of course Samaje Perine, someone we all expected to play a key role in the AFC Championship, caught it and rumbled 17 yards to drive another dagger deep, deep in the psyche of Bills fans. Oh, and also send the Chiefs to their fifth Super Bowl in six years.
Philadelphia Eagles 55, Washington Commanders 23
Saquon Barkley scored two touchdowns on his first two touches and a third at confetti-and-fireworks time. Jalen Hurts ran for one touchdown, threw for one and was shoved for two more. The Eagles defense forced four turnovers.
The Commanders threw everything they could think of at the Eagles: non-stop tempo, constant (usually successful) fourth-down conversion attempts, a fake punt, Frankie Luvu leaping over the line of scrimmage over and over again as if the Commanders defense had a trebuchet full of him. Nothing was enough. Jayden Daniels was never outclassed – his lone interception came with the game out of hand – but his supporting cast was as the Eagles saved their most complete top-to-bottom team performance of the season for their penultimate one.
And now for some deep philosophical musings about both the Chiefs and Eagles, followed by last looks at the Bills and Commanders.
Kansas City Chiefs: Refusing to Die As Heroes
Oh crap, it’s these assholes again.