That's Tampertainment!
The NFL's pre-free agency period begins and ... OMG. The transactions keep happening. Why are they all being announced at once? SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP!
There’s tons of insights, stats and opinions about Monday’s tsunami of NFL transactions coming in just a moment.
But first, let’s kick things off with the musical stylings of Fred Astaire, Nanette Fabray, Jack Buchanan and that one dude who was in all the MGM Musicals even though he couldn’t sing or dance, the Tua Tagovailoa of Turner Classic Movies: Oscar Levant.
The stars: they’re about to get paid!
And the teams: all the moves that get made!
Who’s that guy? Check his PFF grade!
That’s Tampertainment!
Malik is an athletic freak
Who’s the team to fulfill all his dreams?
Not the Jets. That would end in regrets!
That’s Tampertainment!
The Rams won’t be damned cuz’ they’re trading ‘em picks.
The Bills have some ills even Josh cannot fix
The Bronc’s need help for Bo Nix
The Niners are in heaven because they signed Mike Evans
There’s Shaheed, if it’s speed that you need
And there’s Pierce, but the bidding was fierce
A.J. Brown, with a book and a frown
So spend what you feel!
The Cap isn’t real!
That’s Tampertainment!
Your team may stink and your owner’s the worst
Then a few big deals hit the news with a burst
They’ll all be cut next June 1st
But they’ll wash away your sadness
At least until March Madness.
Send a text off to Rapoport’s desk
It’s a scoop, though the numbers are poop
Wait: a Tweet from a darkness retreat!
So wipe off your frowns
Unless you like the Browns …
That’s Tampertainnnnnnnment!
Chiefs Sign Kenneth Walker
This move analyzes itself:
Patrick Mahomes + Juicy Running Back = Good.
Team That Can Return to Contention Quickly + Running Back Who Can Get Yards That Are Not Blocked For Him = Good.
Super Bowl MVP for One Third What the Panthers Paid for an Edge Rusher With 5.0 Sacks = Good.
Sports Info Solutions credited Walker with 37 broken tackles (third in the NFL) and 28 missed tackles (sixth) in the regular season and postseason.
Walker’s broken-plus-missed tackle rate of 22.7% (counting the postseason) ranked fifth in the NFL, behind Bijan Robinson, Jahmyr Gibbs, Ashton Jeanty, Jacory Croskey-Merritt and Rhamondre Stevenson. Other sources, like PFF, use different metrics to draw similar conclusions: Walker is just a notch below Bijan and Gibbs when it comes to creating his own yardage.
Meanwhile, Chiefs rushers produced the lowest broken-plus-missed tackle rate in the NFL last season (11.9%). Their running backs combined for 29 broken tackles and just 10 missed tackles. Patrick Mahomes (six broken, four missed) is not included in that figure, and it’s noteworthy how much of a difference that would make.
Walker’s Chiefs deal is reported at three years and $45 million. Frankly, the Seahawks should have tried to retain Walker if that’s all it cost.
Travis Kelce Returns to the Chiefs
Last year taught us that it doesn’t matter if Kelce moves like grandpa trying to rake leaves three weeks after hip replacement surgery: he knows zone coverage schemes better than the defenders do, and Patrick Mahomes will keep looking for him on third-and-medium until both of them reach the cover of AARP magazine.
That said, Kelce will turn into Grimaldi Man the moment he leaves the Chiefs.
Kelce’s return and the Kenneth Walker signing suggest that the Chiefs believe Mahomes will be available for Opening Day, so they are not rebooting. Or are they?
Rams Sign CB Jaylen Watson
So the Rams, who traded for Trent McDuffie last week, now have the Chiefs secondary? Cool-cool-cool.
Watson is a lanky cornerback who matches up well with taller receivers. He’s a heck of a CB2 to add in a move that’s likely to get lost in the shuffle of tampering news.
Three years at $51 million sounds like a lot, but you know how these contracts are reported, and the Rams entered last week with more money and draft picks than needs.
The Rams also re-signed safety Kamren Curl. Their secondary, a weakness down the stretch in 2025, is now a strength. No team has done more to help itself win a Super Bowl in the last seven days.
Dolphins Sign Malik Willis
I promise to circle back in the spring and discuss Willis in more detail; it’s too big a move to really dig into while the fireworks factory is exploding. For now:
Willis is a relative bargain at what boils down to two years at $45 million guaranteed. It’s shocking that no other team blew that offer out of the water. Teams must be more skeptical of Willis than the public is. Those teams will enter 2026 with Jacoby Brissett, Aaron Rodgers and [insert bad Jets idea here] at quarterback.
The Dolphins released Tua Tagovailoa on Monday, dumping a fortune in dead cap money onto their 2026 ledger. They then traded Minkah Fitzpatrick to the Jets for a seventh-round pick in an effort to stay within hailing distance of cap compliance. The Willis deal is remarkably team-friendly, but the Dolphins might still have cuts or salary dump trades to make over the next two days.
Willis’ supporting cast will likely consist of Jaylen Waddle, Devon Achane and running for his life. That’s still better than what some quarterbacks start out with.
The Dolphins’ team identity is now “Packers AAA affiliate.” That’s still an upgrade over their identity for much of last season, which was “parking lot across the street from a methadone clinic.”
Like I said: more on Willis and the Dolphins when the fog lifts.
Raiders Sign Center Tyler Linderbaum
Remember those broken/missed tackles for Ashton Jeanty back in the Kenneth Walker segment? Jeanty averaged 1.6 yards before contact last year, per Pro Football Reference: 67th out of 71 qualifiers.
Jeanty was hit at or before the line of scrimmage on 139 carries, the highest figure in the NFL. He was stuffed 71 times, also a league high. There were schematic issues, and rookie running backs do sometimes create their own problems, but the Raiders offensive line was an absolute disaster last year.
Linderbaum is a perennial Pro Bowler in his early prime. He and left tackle Kolton Miller (who missed most of 2025 but signed an extension last week) give the Raiders two-fifths of a good thing.
That’s a ton of money.
The Raiders will soon have Fernando Mendoza to protect and nurture. They also needed to issue a We are serious statement to fans, incumbent veterans and the league, which is the sort of thing which cannot be quantified by Moneyball. And it’s not like the Raiders have anyone else to spend money on, anyway. They can worry about the cap ramifications of Linderbaum’s contract once they achieve enough success to worry about cap ramifications.
Falcons Sign Tua Tagovailoa
Maybe the Falcons can Frankenstein one healthy, capable starter out of their two southpaw quarterbacks: Michael Penix from the waist up, Tua from the waist down. Tagovailoa makes sense as an affordable long reliever/mentor/hurdle for Penix.
The big news out of Flowery Branch, unfortunately, is an ESPN investigation which reveals that second-year defender James Pearce probably belongs behind bars for the greater good of society.
Sometimes, you have to laugh to keep from screaming into a pillow.
Colts Re-Sign Alec Pierce, Trade Michael Pittman to the Steelers
This is, I suppose, a positive series of events for the Colts.
I am not sure if the last sentence should end with a period or a question mark. Let me try it the other way.
This is, I suppose, a positive series of events for the Colts?
Yes, definitely a question mark.
It’s a big win for Pierce, who gets lavishly paid and now gets to try his hand at being an all-purpose WR1, as opposed to a pure vertical threat.
It’s a moderate win for Chris Ballard, who used his lone superpower – Mutant Veteran Retention Factor – to keep both Pierce and Daniel Jones.
The departures of Pittman and Zaire Franklin can be framed as a controlled burn of the roster’s Colts-for-life veteran leaders, the guys who lived through Carson Wentz, Matt Ryan and both Old Man and Really Old Man Rivers. Those veterans, and the Colts, could benefit from a change of scenery. We may see more underbrush getting hit with a flamethrower in the days to come.
My primary concern with this Pierce-Pittman gambit is that pure vertical threats don’t readily transform into all-purpose WR1 types.
