The Falcons May Be a Supe... Suprr ... I Cannot Bear to type It.
Falcons respect, Cowboys roasting, breakdowns of the Ravens/Bills wins, and why Nick Sirianni has zucchini for brains.
In this jam-packed Week 9 NFL Walkthrough:
Find out what Jordan Love and a baby deer have in common, besides Dan Campbell’s urge to make venison jerky from both of them.
The Eagles rise to 6-2: let’s vivisect Nick Sirianni for his fourth-down play-calling!
Anthony Richardson takes copious notes on how to go an entire game without scoring an offensive touchdown.
Unstoppable force Derrick Henry meets an immovable object, but it’s the Broncos offense, not their defense.
And much more! But first …
Does This Falcons Positivity Make Me Sound Gullible?
The angel on my left shoulder wants to kick off this week’s Walkthrough by showering the Atlanta Falcons with genuine praise for their 6-3 start.
The devil on my right shoulder wants to roast the Dallas Cowboys like a suckling pig.
The angel reminds me that Kirk Cousins has been the best version of himself for most of the 2024 season: distributing the ball, making good decisions, delivering clutch passes when needed, even winning in prime time. The heavenly messenger wants me to acknowledge that the Falcons offensive line is playing well, Bijan Robinson is living up to his promise as an all-purpose threat and the defense generally bends without breaking.
But the devil reminds me: they’re the Falcons, man. They’re The Team That Fatalism Built. Showing them respect is like tossing coal into the Old Takes Exposed furnace.
The angel says that the Cowboys are tumbling towards irrelevance. The devil reminds me that they click like Ginger Rogers’ heels. The angel reminds me that I now write for humans, not search engines, so “clicks” no longer matter. The devil counters that many of my human subscribers are Eagles fans who love a good Cowboys slander session. But didn’t I write about Cowboys schadenfreude four days ago? Who will prevail? Good or evil? My love of ripping the Cowboys or my hate of acknowledging the Falcons’ existence?
The Falcons beat the Cowboys 27-21. The game was not that close: making the final score look competitive is the Cowboys’ lone remaining marketable skill. Cousins, Bijan and the Falcons methodically controlled the clock while the Cowboys tried to upstage them by dramatically swooning and suffering like Captain Kirk getting zapped by an invisible torture device.