There's No Plan and It Wouldn't Work Anyway (Mailbag Pt. 1)
Stopping Derrick Henry, rescuing the Steelers from the Infinite Treadmill, riding the coaching carousel, contextualizing Justin Herbert, and much more.
In this huge, throbbing edition of Too Deep Zone mailbag:
Tom Brady’s disembodied head hovers over Las Vegas.
Meet hot coaching candidate Marcel McCarthy!
I channel the spirit of Bills defensive coordinator Bippy Babbage and try to stop Derrick Henry.
The Bears are gonna need a bigger boardroom.
I defend (???) Justin Herbert’s honor (?????)
And much more.
In today's parallel universe, you are the Bills defensive coordinator. What's your game plan for Baltimore? Baltimore is the best team in the AFC. They looked unstoppable at times this weekend. Can they be beaten straight-up or does the opponent require several timely Ravens penalties and a reasonable turnover margin? – Mark D'Agostino
That Week 4 run still haunts me. With a healthier defense, how will the Bills respond to Derrick Henry? – Jamie Lynn Cross
If I am Bobby Babich, I start by realizing how fun my name is to say. Bobby Babich. Bobby Blue Bland. Bubby Bahbah. Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo.
Then, I take solace in the fact that Matt Milano, Terrel Bernard and Taron Johnson are available. All three defenders were injured and did not play in the Week 4 Ravens beatdown.
Next, I try to figure out how to stop Derrick Henry on first down, where he averaged 6.1 yards per carry in the regular season. The Ravens like to run Henry off left tackle or end on first downs – 82 carries, 589 yards – so maybe my healthy linebackers can pick up some stuffs if they anticipate plays in that direction.
My defense has trouble stopping screens, so I hope Zay Flowers isn’t playing: he caught 16 screens for 141 yards in the regular season. I also keep an eye out for Justice Hill when he is in the game: 19 screens, 155 yards. The good news here is that the Ravens aren’t a screen-heavy team (I REALLY want the Eagles in the Super Bowl) and my secondary is healthy enough to match up well with the rest of the Ravens playmakers.
Finally, I turn to Joe Brady in a meeting and say, “Dude: please take an early lead, because the Ravens have a habit of becoming unbalanced and easier to defend when they are playing from behind.” And Brady will be like, “Brah, you sit next to me every Sunday. We LOVE noodling around and keeping teams like the Patriots in the game. Anyway, gotta run: I’m prepping for my interview with the Cowboys.”
I hope folks don’t think I actually know how to stop Derrick Henry. I would be coaching if I knew that! Bill Belichick once said of J.J. Watt: “you don’t block him on a whiteboard.” The same logic applies to tackling Henry.
If you owned the Steelers and wanted to win a Super Bowl in the next 3 years, what would you do? – countertorque
I thought about this while tossing and turning on Tuesday night and came to a ghastly solution:
Replace Mike Tomlin with Arthur Smith.
Tank for a year.
Hope the 2026 rookie quarterback class is stronger.
Do anything possible to keep T.J. Watt and others with the program until then.
???????????????????
Glory.
Seriously: that sounds like the reasoning of a terminally on-line weirdo who has never experienced sex with an enthusiastic partner. But it speaks to the fact that it is easier to construct a three-year Super Bowl narrative for some blank-slate team than it is for a playoff team that doesn’t have an obvious quarterback solution. Perhaps that’s why fans of teams like the Steelers often yearn for the blank slate.
If I really owned the Steelers, I would insist that Tomlin replace Smith with some hotshot and try to formulate some plan for drafting Jalen Monroe and transforming him into Jalen Hurts. The best chance for the Steelers to win the Super Bowl in the next three years may be to do a slight variation of what they are already doing and hope to catch the Ravens/Chiefs on a down year and/or sack them into oblivion in the playoffs.
Denver Broncos with Russ = Pittsburgh Steelers with Russ? – Adam Smith
Yep. The Russell Wilson resurgence was an optical illusion caused by perceptions, expectations and supporting cast. So was the Justin Fields resurgence. The Steelers need a quarterback.
Wilson is still one of the 25-ish best quarterbacks in the NFL and will probably end up as someone’s stopgap next year. So will another 2024 surprise quarterback.
What do you think of the idea floated by Mike Tannenbaum that the Jets ought to trade for J.J. McCarthy? I loved the “sweaty Jets” post by the way. Please keep it up. – GS
Thanks, GS! I actually wrote a provisional answer to this question on Monday morning. That response is now in heaven with my Falcons Win Super Bowl pre-writes. Obviously, the Vikings’ situation changed when Darnold laid that Wild Card quail egg. Kevin O’Connell sounded ready to leave him in Arizona after the game.
Another reader asked a question which reflects the new Vikings reality.
If you're Minnesota, it's J.J. and Daniel Jones next season, right? And Darnold winds up in ... Las Vegas? Pittsburgh? MetLife Stadium? – Adam Bonin
And a reader response to Adam:
Vikings would be fools to re-sign Darnold. Letting him sign with another team nets them a 3rd round compensatory pick in 2026 because he made the Pro Bowl this year. – Phillip Johnson
Great stuff, everyone! Darnold will get offers somewhere north of the two-year, $25-million deal the Raiders gave Gardner Minshew. I think Tennessee is a likely landing spot as that organization kicks tires and tries to sort things out. The Colts may also be ready to send a really loud message to Anthony Richardson. The Browns could also scrape up enough dough, especially if they keep bashing Deshaun Watson’s ankle against the sides of the MRI machine. I am not sure Darnold himself is ready to move back to New York if he has other options.
Vikings GM Kwesi Adofo-Mensah is well aware of that compensatory pick and looking forward to managing a 14-win team with two-to-three years of rent-controlled quarterback play.
Is anything about the Bears coaching search looking different this time or are my Bears on Stage 2 of "getting rookie QB some new coaches?" – Glenn Cheng
A fellow reader can provide some insight here:
Last week The Athletic reported: 1.) the number of people who may be involved in Bears' coaching interviews (GM, chairman, president/CEO, director of football administration, senior director of player personnel, assistant GM, executive VP (with a history in HR), SVPs from business, other executive VPs, COO) and 2.) ‘When the Chicago Bears fly in candidates for their head coaching search, they'd like to make the lasting impression of a first-class organization. Part of that franchise facelift will mean not making the candidates fly in economy class.’
Considering all of that, is there any reason to believe that they will make a good hire for this or any future position? – Jim Stechschulte
Well, the Patriots didn’t bother doing any serious interviews. The Jets braintrust is playing Marvel Rivals and wondering if they can ask Luna Snow to be their GM/girlfriend. Jerry Jones appears to be waiting for candidates to call him. Mark Davis is probably conducting interviews alone, beneath a giant portrait of his father, with Tom Brady’s disembodied head floating on a monitor nearby like an arch-villain keeping tabs on his new minion.
As coaching searches go, a big boardroom teeming with executives looks more professional than many of the alternatives. It’s better than George McCaskey sitting behind a mahogany desk asking “Mother wants to know your feelings about the – ugh – Tush Push” or Ryan Poles silently searching for someone who won’t threaten his power.