Week 12 Walkthrough: The Eagles Stink, are Doomed, Should Fire Everyone, and Stink
Level-headed reactions to the Eagles meltdown in Dallas, Shedeur Sanders' performance in the Browns victory over the Raiders, and other Week 12 chaos.
In this jam-packed Week 12 edition of NFL Walkthrough …
Shedeur Sanders leads the Browns to victory in his first start. Take that, haters! (Whispers: he didn’t play very well, or that badly for that matter.)
J.J. McCarthy’s career flatlines against the Packers. Take that, everyone who thought or hoped he’d be good, you knaves! (Shakes his head: No one imagined it was possible for him to be so mesmerizingly bad.)
The Chiefs regain their close-game magic. Take that, anyone who gave up on them! (Mutters: no one actually gave up on them. They’re the Chiefs, for heaven’s sake.)
The Bears rise to 8-3! Take that, disbelievers! (Chuckles: Their schedule is so soft that the Patriots use them as a neck pillow.)
And much more. But let’s kick things up with a little ray of sunshine.
Gloom, Doom, Hopelessness and Rage Spotlight: Dallas Cowboys 24, Philadelphia Eagles 21
What Happened
The Eagles raced out to a 21-0 lead, looking like the far better team on both sides of the ball. Their offense then took one of its customary naps while their defense held on for dear life, with Zack Baun recovering a KaVontae Turpin fumble in Eagles territory and Reed Blankenship intercepting a pass in the end zone. The Cowboys slowly caught up, however, with Dak Prescott somersaulting into the end zone for a game-tying touchdown early in the fourth quarter.
Somewhere along the way, someone pressed the Buffalo wing chain-restaurant “stupid” button.
Before Prescott’s touchdown, the Eagles drove to midfield, committed a pair of penalties, then missed a 55-yard field goal. Saquon Barkley fumbled as the Eagles were entering scoring position on their next possession. The Cowboys could not capitalize and were forced to punt. Former Jets legend Xavier Gipson fielded the punt near the goal line, attempted to juke some tacklers, got hammered by Alijah Clark and coughed up the football, giving the Cowboys the ball at the 8-yard line. Yet the Eagles defense held the Cowboys scoreless. Jalen Hurts drove the Eagles out of the shadow of their own goal post and close to field goal range at the two-minute warning, then took a 13-yard sack.
Prescott finally put out the Eagles out of their second-half misery, connecting with Jake Ferguson and George Pickens to get the Cowboys deep into field goal range and set up a game-winning chipshot for Brandon Aubrey.
What It Means for the Cowboys
With back-to-back victories and a season split with the Eagles, the Cowboys still have a chance to win the NFC East. With the Bears, Packers, Rams, Lions and Seahawks all winning on Sunday, a division crown — which would also require an Eagles collapse — may be the Cowboys’ only path to the playoffs.
Sunday’s Cowboys win lacked style points. Still, their defense looks more like a third-quartile unit than a bottom-of-the-league unit with Quinnen Williams in the fold. The Cowboys offensive line played well against a tough Eagles front. And the CeeDee Lamb/George Pickens Rat Pack showed up on time and ready to play after some shenanigans in Las Vegas last week.
What It Means for the Eagles (Neurotic EdgeLord Eagles Fan Version)
This is exactly like the 2023 collapse. Everything is exactly like 2023 and always will be. December of 2023 is the Black Bug Room. There is no escape from it.
Sunday’s inexcusable meltdown proves that Nick Sirianni should be marooned by a space vessel on Ganymede. Kevin Patullo should be buried up to his neck at low tide. Jalen Hurts needs to be benched, A.J. Brown traded, the earth salted.
Seethe, oh inveterate rage junkies. Seethe to your shriveled heart’s content. Bathe in the sweet, scornful validation of your unwavering faithlessness. It’s the next best thing to daring to experience hopefulness and joy once in a while.
What It Means for the Eagles (Normal Person Version)
The Eagles played to lose in a variety of ways: the fourth-quarter turnovers, 14 penalties, a third-quarter offensive brownout, the usual collection of late-game fourth down decisions which invariably looked like the wrong decisions. Yet their passing game looked better than it has in weeks (albeit against a still-weak Cowboys defense), while the defense provided multiple opportunities to win.
If anyone isn’t pulling his weight right now, it’s the one guy Eagles fans are loath to criticize. Saquon Barkley carried 10 times for 22 yards with a fumble on Sunday. He’s 56-185-0 (2.8 yards per carry) rushing over the last three games. Tank Bigsby often appears to have more juice during his brief cameos. The Eagles may want to tinker with something closer to a committee approach in the backfield.
Rushing woes and other mistakes aside: if the Eagles play exactly the way they did on Sunday — give or take a fumbled punt return — they’ll win their next three games (fluky Bears, depleted Chargers, silly Raiders) easily. That won’t silence the doubters. But even the Super Bowl could not do that.
What’s Next
When Black Friday comes …
The Eagles face the phony Bears …
Gonna take Caleb Williams and toss him down a flight of stairs.
The Cowboys, plump and juicy after a week of basting in their own narrative, will host the Chiefs on Thanksgiving. Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes have their carving knives out.
Game Spotlight: Kansas City Chiefs 23, Indianapolis Colts 20 (OT)
What Happened
The Chiefs’ close-game magic – really a mix of Patrick Mahomes’ excellence, brilliant game–planning by Andy Reid and Steve Spagnuolo, tons of big-game experience, home-field advantage, selection bias and favorable calls moxie – returned after a season-long absence.
The Colts, meanwhile, looked completely unready for prime time.
The Colts took a 20-9 lead early in the fourth quarter. They scored a first-quarter touchdown on a three-yard drive after Laiatu Latu intercepted Mahomes near the Chiefs goal line, but they settled for too many field goals (and play-it-safe punts) as the game went on.
The Chiefs, meanwhile, kept settling for their own field goals, two of them on series extended by roughing-the-passer penalties against Mahomes that the Chiefs fans in my social feeds assure me were 100% legitimate and not-at-all ticky-tack.
(Many Chiefs fans own special rulebooks, complete with concordances and exegeses, that are a little like the “new translation” bibles you can buy from YouTubers who believe that the book of Leviticus forbids women from having bank accounts. They keep these very special rulebooks at their sides during games so they are ready for chapter-and-verse Internet arguments about the Chiefs benefitting from calls.)
Mahomes engineered a 56-yard touchdown drive to cut the Colts lead to three midway through the fourth quarter. The Colts offense collapsed: zero first downs on three fourth-quarter possessions.
After failing at his first attempt to lead a late-game comeback, Mahomes drove the Chiefs 87 yards for a game-tying field goal with the help of two clutch catches from Rashee Rice (hidden in the slot, where he did not have to worry about Colts cornerbacks Sauce Gardner or Charvarius Ward) and a courageous effort by Noah Grey to hold onto a third-down catch while sustaining an apparent concussion. YouTube bible purchaser Harrison Butker kicked a game-tying chipshot.
The Colts meekly went three-and-out again in overtime. Mahomes led a methodical drive for the overtime Butker game-winner.
What It Means for the Chiefs
The Chiefs were 12-0 in one-score games in 2024. They were 0-5 in 2025 entering Sunday. Now they are 1-6 in one-score games this year.
A gambler might claim the Chiefs were “due” for a close win, just as they were “due” for close losses all last year. A mathematician would scoff, then explain that central tendency dictates that long streaks are by nature unsustainable, and that the forces of probability tend to reach their theoretical equilibrium as sample sizes increase. In other words, the Chiefs were “due,” but in a scientific way.
Here’s another way to think of it: the Chiefs probably don’t have a 50-50 chance of winning close games. Mahomes, Reid, etc. might place their close-game odds closer to 70-30.
The chances of a team that’s expected to win 70% of its close games winning 12 straight (as in 2024) are about 1.4%. (That’s 70% to the 12th power, math fans.) The chances of such a team losing five straight were about 16.8%. The probability of a team that should win 70% of its close games going 13-6 over a 19-game span is … I am not attempting a binomial expansion on an NFL Sunday night. But 13-6 is 68.4%, making it the most likely record for such a team.
In other words, maybe the Chiefs’ luck has evened out.
If so, it raises the next question: can a Chiefs team with “even” luck climb back into the playoff chase? Probably: the upcoming schedule is manageable. The Super Bowl conversation? Let’s put it this way: the Colts don’t look poised to stand in their way after the way they played in the fourth quarter and overtime.
What It Means for the Colts
Jones was 4-of-11 on the final five Colts series, rushing his throws and tossing one near-interception into a gaggle of defenders. Shane Steichen coached like he was scared, with a fourth-and-3 punt in Chiefs territory in the third quarter and a game plan that boiled down at times to “feed Jonathan Taylor until it works.”
The Colts wilted in a situation where all they needed was a first down on offense or a third-down stop on defense to win the game. They’re still a playoff team. But it is hard to take them seriously as anything else right now.
What’s Next
Chiefs at Cowboys on Thanksgiving.
The Colts host the Texans next Sunday. The Texans should have C.J. Stroud back but, based on what their defense did to Josh Allen on Thursday night, might not even need him.
Shedeur Spotlight: Cleveland Browns 24, Las Vegas Raiders 10
What Happened
Because Shedeur Sanders makes people stupid, here’s a full breakdown of his offensive performance on Sunday. Unless otherwise noted, assume the Raiders are either taking a sack or giving the ball to Ashton Jeanty on second-and-23 between Browns possessions.
First Series: Two completions on two throws, one a screen to Harold Fannin, the other a toss short of the sticks to Isaiah Bond. Punt.
Second Series: The Browns get the ball deep in Raiders territory thanks to a long punt return with a tripping penalty tacked onto the end. Sanders hands off once. Quinshon Judkins then takes a direct snap and runs for a touchdown.
Third Series: Sanders holds the ball too long for a second-down sack, then sails a bomb out of bounds up the right sideline on third-and-long.
Fourth Series: Fannin goes into Mark Bavaro mode after a play-action waggle. Sanders misses Fannin on a dangerous throwaway. Sanders then eludes a heavy Raiders blitz up the middle, rolls right and connects with Bond for a lovely 52-yard completion. Another Judkins Wildcat touchdown makes it 14-0 Browns.
Fifth Series: Interception directly into Charles Snowden’s belly on the first play of the drive. The Raiders offense moves backwards a bit, and they kick a field goal.
Sixth Series: Short completion on 2nd-and-16. Scramble and throwaway on third-and-11.
Seventh Series: Sanders rolls right and delivers a crisp downfield pass to a wide-open Jerry Jeudy. Jeremy Chinn pokes the ball away from Jeudy after a 39 yard catch-and-run. Raiders ball.
Seventh Series: A two-minute drill(?) featuring two handoffs and a throw short of the sticks to Fannin.
Eighth Series: Kneel before halftime.
Ninth Series: Tipped overthrow on first down after getting the ball near midfield thanks to a Geno Smith fourth-down sack. Screen to Malachi Corley on third-and-long. Punt.
Tenth Series: Backed up against his own end zone, Sanders hands off twice before throwing a third-and-long middle screen to Fannin, who truck-sticks his way for a first down. Sanders, under duress, fires the ball at Dylan Sampson’s feet on a third-and-7 checkdown a few plays later.
Eleventh Series: Sanders draws roughing the passer on a deep overthrow to Jeudy. He rolls out and fires an incompletion to Fannin two plays later. A late-and-slow checkdown to Sampson results in a loss of seven, but Jamal Adams draws a roughness foul on the tackle.
A long Sampson run gets the Browns into field goal range. Sanders manages to dance away from Maxx Crosby and get rid of the ball on a scramble, but the Browns are flagged for holding. Sanders uncorks an overthrow up the right sideline on third-and-forever; Cedric Tillman is the closest receiver, while two Raiders defenders were in range for a possible interception. The Browns kick a field goal to take a 17-3 lead.
Twelfth Series: Sanders rolls left and throws an incomplete slider on first down. On third-and-9, he tosses a swing pass to Sampson in the right flat. Sampson stomps on the gas with blockers in front of him and races 64 yards for a touchdown.
Final Two Series: Nothing but handoffs and Wildcat plays to kill the clock. Final Sanders stats: 11-of-20, 209 yards, 1 touchdown, 1 interception, 1 sack.
What It Means for the Browns
Anyone telling you that Shedeur Sanders had a good game is lying to you. Anyone telling you that Sanders had a bad game is also lying to you.
Sanders had a Third String Quarterback game.