Quarterlambs to the Slaughter

Drake Maye, Spencer Rattler and other young QBs provide fresh meat for hungry defenders, the Lions win a blowout but lose Aidan Hutchinson, and much more in this Week 6 NFL Walkthrough.

Now that Jayden Daniels, Caleb Williams and Bo Nix have established themselves as in the MVP conversation, the Next Patrick Mahomes and, um, a paperboy who reaches the porch three days out of seven, respectively …

.. it’s time for the NFL to introduce a fresh crop of midseason quarterback replacements. First-round picks! Collegiate superstars! Scuffling sophomores trying to get their careers on track!

There will be plenty of Cowboys-Lions and Commanders-Ravens musings later in this Week 6 Walkthrough, but we are kicking things off with:

Fresh, Appetizing Young Quarterback Meat

Here is a roundup of some of the tender lambs who were slaughtered (or at least decisively shorn) in Week 6.

Fresh Meat: Drake Maye, New England Patriots

The Story So Far: Maye was the latest beneficiary of the Josh Allen Scouting Paradox: he was not quite as talented as Allen in college, but he was just as erratic, and therefore he must be even better! 

The Patriots drafted the undeniably toolsy Maye as a Williams/Daniels consolation prize with the third overall pick, then locked him in a concrete bunker for his own protection to start the season while tossing Jacoby Brissett onto the field like expired Walmart chicken into a tiger cage.

Maye earned a battlefield promotion this week because Jerod Mayo can only helicopter parent for so long, and also because Brissett probably rattles when he walks at this point. 

What Happened on Sunday: Maye nearly had the ball ripped from his hands by penetrating defender Folorunso Fatukasi immediately after the snap on the Patriots’ second series. That gives you a sense of how the Patriots offensive line looks these days. Maye overthrew his receiver for an interception by Texans rookie defensive back Calen Bullock a few plays later. 

The Texans rolled out to a 14-0 lead but then stalled due to a missed field goal and an interception in the end zone by Patriots defender Marcus Jones. A DeMario Douglass tightrope walk up the sideline after a short catch, a pass interference penalty and a Maye-to-Kayshon Boutte 40-yard strike cut the Texans lead to 14-7 at halftime.

Maye began getting up slowly after hits in the second quarter and looked wobbly after a third-quarter strip sack which set up a Stefon Diggs touchdown from C.J. Stroud. The Texans were in full control from that point on in what ended as a 41-21 win, though Maye remained in the game and made his stats look encouraging with late touchdowns to Hunter Henry and Douglas.

What It Means for Maye: The Patriots offensive line currently consists of Vederian Lowe, Michael Jordan, Ben Brown, Mike Onwenu and Demontrey Jacobs. The only one of those players I know anything about without conducting research is Jordan, whom the Bengals gave up upon three years ago, though I think Lowe might have been a Bajoran religious leader on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. We covered the Patriots playmakers pretty thoroughly three paragraphs ago: Henry is the only one who might see the field for a team like the Ravens or Texans. 

In other words, Maye did not stand a chance. He spent much of Sunday watching his offensive line commit penalties while spraying the ball at receivers’ feet or out of bounds to avoid sacks.

Maye could deliver a win next Sunday in London against the woeful Jaguars, but the Patriots really need to think about his long-term health, safety and development after that. If Maye plays too long in the current Patriots offense, he will end up with both injuries and terrible habits. Fans can fool themselves into thinking Maye somehow fixed the team’s offense. Mayo is getting paid to know better.

Fresh Meat: Spencer Rattler, New Orleans Saints

The Story So Far: Rattler was a five-star recruit who leapt onto draftnik radar when he led the Big-12 with 28 touchdowns for Oklahoma in 2020. (You might recall that 2020 was the mirage-filled pandemic season that gave us Zach Wilson, among other anomalies.) Rattler never completely fell off the radar despite getting benched for Caleb Williams, transferring to South Carolina, leading the SEC with 12 interceptions in 2022 and mixing big performances against opponents like Furman with ugly ones against Tennessee and Clemson in 2023. The Saints shrugged their shoulders and drafted Rattler in the fifth round as part of their endless quest to never truly commit to their future. 

Rattler is just 6’0”, doesn’t run that well and was terrible under pressure as a 23-year old playing against teenagers last year. But he played well in the preseason, outperforming Jake Haener, who has a fine future modeling quarter-zip Henleys in Kohl’s catalogs.

Rattler started on Sunday in place of Derek Carr, who suffered an oblique injury on Monday night. (“Oblique” as in “abdominal muscles,” not “oblique” as in “sharing the field with Patrick Mahomes again caused some vaguely-defined existential soul spasm.”)

What Happened on Sunday: Chris Olave fumbled Rattler’s second pass of the game; Antoine Winfield scooped up the football and ran 58 yards to give the Buccaneers a 14-0 lead that soon extended to 17-0.

Then came the Second Quarter of Chaos. Rashid Shaheed ran a punt back for a Saints touchdown. Paulson Adebo and Johnathan Abram each intercepted Baker Mayfield in Buccaneers territory, setting up a field goal and a Rattler touchdown strike to Bub Means. The Bucs answered with a quick touchdown, but Rattler found Foster Moreau in the middle of the field for a 41-yard catch-and-run that set up an Alvin Kamara touchdown, giving the Saints a 27-24 lead. Other early games were well into the third quarter when Bucs-Saints finally reached halftime.

Chris Godwin took a short pass from Baker Mayfield 55 yards for a touchdown early in the third quarter. The Bucs defense, meanwhile, finally began rattling Rattler. (You are paying me for prose like that, dear subscribers!) Zyon McCollum intercepted Rattler’s first truly bad pass of the game at the start of the fourth quarter, and Mayfield shook off an injury to throw a touchdown to Cade Otton. The Bucs finally gained control of what ended, sometime before midnight, as a 51-27 rout.