Holdout, Hold-in, Hold Everything
A field guide to NFL contract disputes. Plus: Kyle Shanahan reveals his plan for losing Super Bowl LIX.
Confused about the various types of contract disputes you are seeing across the NFL these days? The Too Deep Zone has you covered with this field guide:
Holdout
A player like Haason Reddick refuses to report to training camp until he gets a new contract. Holdouts used to be common until the 2020 collective bargaining agreement barred teams from waiving a player’s daily fines after he reported. The policy change was designed to make contract squabbles foolproof for teams like the Jets. “A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.” – Douglas Adams.
Hold-In
A player like Brandon Aiyuk reports to camp but refuses to participate in daily activities until he gets a new contract. The player is not fined, but he doesn’t get to slip off to Japan for a little sightseeing, either.
Teams like the 49ers allow players to hold-in because they think the peer pressure and drudgery that comes from hanging around the facility gives management some leverage. Teams like the 49ers can’t afford to pay Aiyuk and spend the first-round picks they could have used to replace him on cryptid quarterbacks because they don’t know what “leverage” actually means.
Hold Up
What every quarterback capable of fluttering a wobbleball in the general direction of someone like Tyreek Hill does to his team once his rookie contract is set to expire.
Hold Your Horses
A player like Mathew Judon pitches a hissy fit and walks out of practice, then returns a few days later and acts chastened, realizing that if he fakes being a “Yes Sir! Coach Sir!” guy a little longer Dan Campbell will come and liberate him before the trading deadline.
Hold Everything!
A player like Ja’Marr Chase holds in for a few weeks, realizes no one is paying much attention to him because of Aiyuk, and begins skipping practice in an effort to increase his leverage. Such tactics are unlikely to work on Bengals owner-operator Mike Brown, who has already locked his ATM card in his safe deposit box for the year.
Texas Hold-’em
What Jerry Jones thinks he is playing with Dak Prescott and Ceedee Lamb. Unfortunately, everyone knows Jerrah is bluffing with a pair of deuces and the saloon is on fire.
Hold the Phone
A player, usually a wide receiver, deletes his team affiliation from his Instagram account, likes some posts by the rival edge rusher who sacked his quarterback six times last year, and adds some cryptic remark like “Lone Wolf Gonna Howl.” Citizen journalists decode the mysterious clues and publish “Five Likely Trade Partners for George Pickens” before Adam Schefter can be roused from his nightly 45 minutes of sleep to report “Pickens’ agent assures me that absolutely nothing is going on.”
(Note: Pickens did something like this last season and is scheduled to do it again the third time Russell Wilson calls him “Carl.”)
Sleeper Hold
A player like Trent Williams holds out, but no one notices because a more clickable teammate like Brandon Aiyuk is sucking up all the attention. Also, everyone just assumes that old All-Pro tackles prefer to hibernate like grizzly bears this time of year.
Hold Your Breath Till You Turn Blue
A rookie like Caleb Williams or [WRCardinals] single-handedly tries to change the NFL’s financial structure or rewrite the CBA like a toddler trying to force mom and dad to replace string beans with Oreos.
Hold On, Howie’s Coming, Hold on
Multiple Eagles players get lavish contract extensions long before they are due because Howie Roseman believes that most clubhouse turmoil can be solved through a liberal application of cash. Roseman, of course, is correct. And if the cash doesn’t work, everyone gets traded or fired.
Hold Steady
A team extends a quarterback like Kirk Cousins’ contract in a cap-manipulation maneuver each year until it is dragging that contract across half a decade like the anchor of an aircraft carrier.
Expected Hold Time: Three More Years
“Hi. You have reached the office of Saints general manager Mickey Loomis. Your call is important to him. If you are over 30 and wish to have your contract extended through 2031, press 1. If you clearly no longer want to play football but wish to get paid while lingering on the IR for two years, press 2. If you are Taysom Hill, please stay on the line, and Taysom Hill will be with you shortly.”
Podcast! Podcast! Podcast!
Matt Lombardo and I kicked off our new podcast at Between the Hashmarks on Monday, and it was a lot of fun!
Matt was a radio personality for many years in the Philly market before becoming an Eagles and Giants beat writer. He now writes for various outlets as we all try to survive in the Godzilla Minus One wreckage of our industry. Matt has a thick rolodex of sources who offer a mix of scoops and insights, and he has spent many years on the sideline and in the locker room himself.
Here’s a look at our kickoff episode from Monday. We plan to add guests as the season goes on. We are rolling on Mondays for now but plan to move to Tuesdays when the season starts, with occasional mini-episodes. As you can see, there will be much talking with our hands.
Aaron Schatz and I are still podcasting at FTN Fantasy every Thursday, and we will add a Monday show starting after Week 1. Aaron brings the DVOA analytics and win probabilities. I show up ten seconds before we record and act like the Good Lord’s gift to podcasting.
You can find Schatz and Tanier here and Between the Hashmarks here. And probably other places as well. You know how this creator economy works: liking and subscribing is a big deal.
Also, there will be a Too Deep Zone mailbag next week! Look for me to start a chat to solicit questions on Monday morning, after Walkthrough is published.
Around the League
News and notes from the lull between the first two weeks of the preseason:
Will Levis unveils a new fragrance with notes of “tart lemon, mayonnaise accord, parsley, coffee undertones, musk and creamy vanilla.”
Throw in some pesto and bourbon and you have Tanier No. 5.
J.J. McCarthy has a torn meniscus, will undergo a surgical procedure.
This is an obvious bummer. Also, pick your favorite one liner:
Vikings optimism about their quarterback situation lasted about 18 hours: a new world record!
Everything is finally coming up Milhouse for Sam Darnold.
Kirk Cousins’ mouth is saying, “Gee whiz, that’s a shame for my former team.” But his brain is thinking Do you miss me yet muthaf****s?
Matt LaFleur: “I want to vomit every time I hear ‘No. 1 receiver.’”
Aaron Rodgers wanted to vomit every time he heard that LaFleur wanted to vomit.
Giants rookie RB Tyron Tracy carted off practice field on Tuesday.
The Curse of Saquon, Part I.
Giants rookie WR Malik Nabers has “no doubt” he’ll be ready for Week 1.
This is the teaser trailer for The Curse of Saquon, Part II.
Commanders sign Braylon Edwards.
You know a team has hired too many front office mega-geniuses when it starts signing Steelers wide receivers who flamed out before Antonio Brown.
Jim Harbaugh: Justin Herbert “into anything and everything to get himself ready for that opening day.”
Harbaugh is trying to introduce the Internet to the concept of a kinky Herbert fetish. He does not realize he’s over two years too late.
NFL to use facial recognition software for credentialing media.
It’s better than their current outlet recognition system: “Hmm, this established reporter with 20 years of experience is working for a startup because a dozen major websites got nuked by venture capitalists, and he would like to attend training camp a few times to both ply his trade under difficult circumstances and maintain some shred of dignity. REJECTED.” (If I can’t air personal grievances here, where can i?)
Kyle Shanahan on kicking off through the back of the end zone and letting the opponent start every drive on the 30-yard line: “It’s a hell of an idea.”
(Super Bowl LIX, New Orleans, February 9th)
CHRISTIAN MCCAFFREY: We did it, Coach! Deebo, George and I drove down the field to give us a two-point lead with 44 seconds left!
BROCK PURDY (Sitting on CMC’s shoulders): I halped!
CMC: You sure did, lil’ buddy! Now all we have to do is prevent Patrick Mahomes from doing something magical and we can finally win a Super Bowl!
KYLE SHANAHAN: Kicking through the back of the end zone is a hell of an idea.
CMC: What? No! Coach, Mecole Hardman and Kadarius Toney are back deep. I know for a fact that both of them have been awake for 72 straight hours eating Pop Rocks, playing Overwatch and trying to write a Kendrick Lamar diss track. They are guaranteed to either fumble, take a safety or run around in circles before getting flattened at the 12-yard line.
SHANAHAN: Kicking through the back of the end zone is a hell of an idea.
CMC: Oh dear. Guys: Coach is Shanahanning again. Someone pull the plug on his headset. Brandon, you are right next to the outlet.
BRANDON AIYUK: That’s not in my job description.
CMC: Oh, come on! Rats, we kicked off through the end zone. And there goes Mahomes. First down. First down. Touchdown to Rashee Rice’s court-mandated Lyft driver. C’mon lads, lets go call our agents.
PURDY: Imma be a biwiounaire!
SHANAHAN: Sigh. Someday I will identify the fiend who keeps doing this to me.
Another Brief PSA
In response to a few questions and comments on various social networks, and in an effort to get ahead of any controversies, I wish to state that Too Deep Zone is a politics-free website, with some qualifiers.
If Aaron Rodgers starts giving stump speeches for his favorite candidate, players begin protesting on the field or a major politician singles out the NFL or its personalities for whatever reason, Too Deep Zone will provide commentary. Such commentary will be limited to late-night talkshow zingers when appropriate. Serious, unavoidable topics will not be avoided and will be treated seriously. But there will be no non-NFL relevant politics, and I will spare you the sort of Harrison Butker is Wrong When He Says Women Who Wear Slacks are Harlots; Here’s Why thinkpieces which usually end up being pedantic and shrill.
I’m not a rigorous moderator of comment threads, but I ask everyone to be respectful and not veer off into incendiary topics.
This policy does not extend to my social networking accounts, where I reserve the right to amplify such messages as I see fit. But the Too Deep Zone is a place of business, like a microdistillery or coffee shop, where everyone should feel welcome, included and accepted. We all deserve the chance to escape reality for a while to talk touchdowns, tell jokes and argue about quarterbacks. Let’s hope the next three months accommodate that.
COMING SOON: An issue that’s sure to not be divisive, as the All-Time Top 5 series tries to determine just how “elite” Eli Manning was!
Eli = not elite. Missing the last two letters. Case closed
Politics-free works for me! But snarky political humour, evenly distributed, can also work if light-handed. Dana Carvey on his pod with David Spade is perfect at this!