46 Comments

Wait, there's no such person as Stosh Widdershins. There's no such person at all!!

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I'm pretty sure I've read his columns on Sir Alex Ferguson

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"ChatGPT, compose a saga about Bill Belichek being hired by the University of North Carolina."

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**Bill Belichick Fired as UNC Head Coach Amid Controversy Surrounding Assistant Coach Matt Patricia**

*Chapel Hill, N.C. — December 2027*

In a shocking turn of events, the University of North Carolina (UNC) announced the dismissal of head football coach Bill Belichick on Saturday, ending a tumultuous three-year tenure marked by underperformance and recent controversy involving assistant coach Matt Patricia.

Belichick, widely regarded as one of the greatest coaches in NFL history, made the surprising leap to college football in 2024 after decades of dominance with the New England Patriots. Hopes were high that his strategic prowess and winning pedigree would elevate UNC's football program to new heights. However, the Tar Heels struggled to find success under his leadership, finishing with a 15-21 record over three seasons and failing to secure a bowl appearance during his tenure.

The final straw appeared to come not just from the team's lackluster performance, but from reports of internal discord and inappropriate behavior by assistant coach Matt Patricia, whom Belichick brought on as his defensive coordinator. Over the past month, multiple reports surfaced accusing Patricia of berating players and recruits during meetings and practices. Allegedly, Patricia’s harsh treatment included yelling at recruits for perceived lack of effort during visits and berating players publicly in ways described as “demeaning and unprofessional” by sources within the program.

One recruit's parent, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said, “We were excited about the possibility of our son playing under a coach like Bill Belichick, but after the way Matt Patricia spoke to him during a visit, we completely reconsidered. It was unacceptable.”

The internal backlash grew louder following these incidents, with several current players voicing concerns to the administration about the culture under Belichick and Patricia. University officials launched an internal review earlier this month, which reportedly played a significant role in the decision to part ways with the legendary coach.

UNC Athletic Director Bubba Cunningham addressed the situation in a press conference, saying, “We are grateful for Coach Belichick’s efforts and dedication over the past three seasons, but we believe it is in the best interest of our program to move in a new direction. The well-being of our student-athletes is paramount, and we are committed to fostering a positive and respectful culture within our program.”

Belichick has yet to issue a public statement regarding his dismissal. Patricia, who had previously faced criticism for his tenure as head coach of the Detroit Lions, has also reportedly been relieved of his duties.

While the Belichick experiment at UNC will be remembered as an ambitious gamble, its failure underscores the challenges of transitioning from the NFL to the collegiate level. As UNC begins the search for its next head coach, questions remain about how the program will recover from the turbulence of the past three years.

For now, the Tar Heels will finish the offseason under interim head coach Dre Bly, a former UNC standout and longtime assistant, who has vowed to rebuild trust within the program. "Our focus is on these young men and making sure they feel supported, respected, and ready to succeed both on and off the field,” Bly said in a statement.

As UNC looks toward the future, the Bill Belichick era in Chapel Hill will likely go down as one of the most unusual and controversial chapters in college football history.

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I'm still dying laughing at this. Only thing that could make it better would be some quote from Like Mombardi that tries to make a catchphrase from six different Goodfellas references.

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I thought Like Mombardi was a character in a bad GTA rip-off game.

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I also blame “woke,” Stosh. There is no other plausible explanation.

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If I had a dollar for every former Patriot who told me how much they loathed playing for Bill, but made the trade because of the chance to win Super Bowls, I’d have a second home! I really believe the “Patriot Way” was never, ever going to work in the NFL again. Maybe, in college where coaches have more control?

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1) college coaches have lost a whole lot of control in the last four years

2) trading fun for a promise (not guaranteed) of winning is not a trade I expect or want a 19 year old to make!

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Every 19-year-old is sure he's good enough to make the pros. I expect Bill will recruit just fine. ("Who better to see you into the pros than me, Bill Belichick?")

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exactly, they're sure they're good enough to think they don't need help! And by and large they're right, the scouts will find talent no matter where it is. He'll have a great first year but then the exodus will begin.

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I am confident BB will attract lots of "grinder" types and kids whose advisors understand what a BB endorsement will mean in NFL circles.

I don't know how long that can sustain the program. I also don't care.

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I’m surprised to hear that. I guess maybe it’s just the highest profile players who talk fondly of playing for him?

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If, like me, you missed it, here's a link to the ESPN piece: https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/42923468/in-choosing-unc-bill-belichick-chose-himself

Thanks to the commenters who pointed it out.

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I'd like to hear more from Mike Lombardi, who's clearly earned the right to condescend to successful NFL GMs and HCs. DJ Mike McDaniels, am I right?

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I saw Lombardi give a lecture at an analytics-flavored conference for MBA types. It was all "Belichick taught me this" and "Walsh taught me that." Incredible hanger-on energy.

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The Project 2025 line was great

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Sometimes you just have to grovel before your sources.

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10000000000%

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In retirement, it’s probably nice to do some of what you used to do (provided that you enjoyed it). Bill should just be the special teams coach for some small deserving university and just chill. He’s have a hell of a good time, he wouldn’t be threatening to anyone, and he’d turn out a crackerjack squad.

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Actually, Bill's special teams sucked at the very end, too. After being topnotch for an incredibly long time. (special team performance is very volatile)

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Bellichik's success was partly due to the young hungry "slapdicks" interns like Dimitrof, Jim Schwartz. Guys who were nobodiea in cleveland ... many became everyone in the Patriots front office and coaching staff. It was a conveyor belt of young guys learning and gaining football IQ mastery. Bill stopped letting boys sleep on the couch and crunch film all day long. Thats how Matt Patricia becomes offensive coordinator and Joe Judge happens. A special teams coach demoted to WRs just as Patriots stopped developing WRs so Judge sucked at his job.

He doesn't have those young hungry kids. Maybe in a few years he'll have North Carolina grad assistant kids in the pipeline. But his coaching his coaches and personnel men is why Patriots were a dynasty. They constantly drafted low and constantly developed great players. Especially in the OLine. Scarnechia was amazing and was there before Bill and he saw how good the guy was at his job. Head coaching/GM not a one man show it never is. At least its never effective as one man show.

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BB owes a lot to Paoli, Cesario, Scarnecchia, and guys we don't always think about like Romeo Crennel (who was his Good Cop on defense in the early days).

BB is a legend, etc. But he brain-drained at the exact same time that obstinance is likely to set in for a man of his age and accolades.

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The pipeline had low paid interns crunching film. I think Bill lost his patience for young men looking to learn for low pay; and when they came around to ask for work; started calling foxborough police to get those darn kids off Patriots HQ lawn.

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3dEdited

Vintage stuff, right up there with the 'Watchmen' piecw

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My goal on this one is to get punched in the face at a bar in Indy.

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Yeah this is high quality work.

I'm still processing this whole episode with Bellichick. Shocked, flabbergasted, I don't even know the right term. Only thing I've heard second hand that makes any sense is making a nice nest for his son to roost in.

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I think that's the primary motivation.

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He was never going to get another NFL head coaching job, so ...

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You must be right. But there are several teams that would be better off with him as a coach, assuming he would give up GM duties. I think he'll have a rough time being successful at NC.

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It's a fun retirement job for a guy who likes running things. It's fine. It's the ridiculous "he's been blackballed by an NFL who should worship him" angle that is gross.

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Well, Robert Kraft is blackballing him. Pulling out all the stops, matter of fact.

My guess is Atlanta wouldn't have hired Bill anyway. My guess is no GM already in place anywhere has a single ounce of desire to share the spotlight with Bill regardless of how willing Bill sounds to do so. My guess is Bill is so attached to 'His Guys' Matt/Joe/et.al. that no NFL team should ever give him another shot.

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I had to laugh at the idea that Belichick coaching in college is some sort of “fuck you” to the NFL after spending the entire column making it clear he still wants to work there but nobody will hire him.

Incredible “fuck you bitch, you ain’t cute anyway” rejected catcaller energy.

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Bill Belichick now has:

1. a 24-year old paramour who is, by all accounts, both smart and lovely

and

2. an opportunity to re-build a football program that he has an emotional fondness for, through his Dad.

He's getting to do what he loves with, I presume, the people he loves. He doesn't need my well wishes (he has a pretty good life as far as I can tell), but he has them anyway. May we all be in his position come our 70s.

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He has a 24 year old paramour who is, by all accounts, both smart and lovely.

Then why would he want to spend 16 hours a day grinding through game prep rather than relaxing his life away with her?

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Because he's 72 and only has so much whoopidie-doo per day/week left in him.

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Has there ever been a sports figure (who hasn’t committed some heinous crime) more universally disliked than Belichick?

That’s what makes this situation even more interesting. Pretty much anyone (outside of North Carolina and Boston)

who has an opinion on this is probably hoping he fails. And will even take joy in it. It’s funny, but it’s a little bit sad too.

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I'm just bitter that he made my team suffer so much for so long.

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A+

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