21 Comments
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Tony T.'s avatar

Any reference to Bruce Willis singing the Golden Wine Coolers jingle is an automatic like. The dog liked his singing in that commercial (that is pure Gen-X summoning material).

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Josh R's avatar

This...is so wrong on so many levels. A+, no notes

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Lee's avatar

The Belichick book titles had me burst out laughing while sitting alone like some kind of lunatic

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Michael Blevins's avatar

Outstanding. But the Mafia with no sense of humor will be coming for you. Although I guess that means hits, so...

Also, I don't think you could mash up much more, but there should've been a Lifeforce joke in there. Unless I missed it?

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Mike Tanier's avatar

No Lifeforce joke I'm afraid. And I have spent much of my career living in quiet preparation for the Humorless Mafia.

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Terry2007's avatar

That took a lot of cannabis gummies . Did you empty the bag?

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Mike Tanier's avatar

the whaaaa??????

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countertorque's avatar

My takeaway from this is that I need to see Sinners.

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Vincent Verhei's avatar

1) This was excellent.

2) Sinners is one of the coolest movies I've ever seen.

3) The front part of Preacherboy's guitar was made of silver! That's why it could kill the vampire, or at least stun him until the sun came up.

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Mike Tanier's avatar

Is that stated? Because resonators are stainless steel, I think.

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Mike Schobazaford's avatar

I feel like I only got 15% of the references. That probably means I only got 3%.

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Jeremy Billones's avatar

Joe Flacco went to the Prometheus school of Running Away From Things.

(I had assumed the Oral Sex stuff was a From Dusk Til Dawn homage.)

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Mike Tanier's avatar

In Sinners? Maybe. It's just deployed so oddly in the movie.

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Michael Walker's avatar

Nope. There's a long, long discussion of the topic in Sinners (which is a very good movie, BTW).

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Michael Goldfarb's avatar

The picture will never get made because Trump just slapped a 100% tariff on foreign films coming into US and now overseas territories are retaliating and you can't begin to turn a camera over on something like this without securing money up front for foreign distribution rights

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Jackson Brow's avatar

It’s nice just reading something from someone who doesn’t think SINNERS is the most amazing movie of all time….convo about it makes me feel insane lol

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Mark D'Agostino's avatar

I'm a big Bills fan but the whole mafia thing got labeled after I left Buffalo. However the vampire references are spot on at multiple levels I'm afraid. Perhaps a TDZ exorcism can be arranged?

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Justin's avatar

I did not watch Sinners which made this a very interesting and somewhat confusing read, although I must now wonder how Hailee Steinfeld got left off the Top 5 Hotties of The Top Deep Zone All-Time Top 5 QB Series list. If Adam Schefter did that list, she'd be number one.

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Mike Tanier's avatar

She probably belongs. I guess I did not see her in any va-va-voom movies before. But if she's going to be shouting about receiving oral sex in crowds during movies then she belongs in the same broad category as Jane Mansfield.

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May 5
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Dan D's avatar

Yeah. Both this and what Terry said. Total miss for me. I'm tempted to say "stick to your day job" but usually I like your writing, e.g., "Long Snapper's Blues". But this was a swing and whiff.

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Mike Tanier's avatar

Well, thanks for being one of the dozen or so people who read Longsnapper's Blues!

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