33 Comments
Nov 13Liked by Mike Tanier

I look at Mark Davis and curse my parents everyday because they didn't give me an NFL team. I don't want to work and I have a better haircut.

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If only things had worked out better for you, you yourself could be charging $750 for a bottle of Maker’s Mark at your own stadium club.

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Nov 13Liked by Mike Tanier

"It’s time to try again, this time with an actual background check to make sure they don’t select another CVS Pharmacy Platinum Robitussin Rewards Club member."

As Jake "The Snake" Roberts would say, "Cruel but fair."

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Wouldn’t it be a riot if Tom Brady convinced Davis to hire Bill Belichick? Can you imagine Bill reporting to Tom as his boss? I want to see this happen, from a spectator sport point of view

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That would make the AFC West home to Andy Reid, Sean Payton, Jim Harbaugh, and Belichick. Has any division ever had that kind of star power in its coaching ranks? The NFC East, once upon a time?

I could see it happening, but maybe Mike Vrabel would be a better choice.

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Nov 13·edited Nov 13

Have long said the late 80's / early 90's NFCE desperately needs a 30 For 30 style documentary:

8 Super Bowls in 10 years spread across 3 teams

Landry/Gibbs/Parcells/Ryan/JJohnson/Belichick/ JJones

Cowboys Triplets / Hogs / LT / Randall Cunningham / Reggie White and sooo many more

Bounty Bowl / Body Bag Game / Announcers pelted with iceballs in Philly

Too many classic games to begin to list

How has this not happened?

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1988 had Tom Landry, Bill Parcells, Joe Gibbs, and Buddy Ryan sharing a division.

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Yep, this one wins. Tho' on a career-level VOA, Beli would push a 2025 AFC West over the top.

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author

Mark Davis sure as hell would not mettle with Belichick. Sadly, Belichick probably needs meddling these days.

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We’ve already seen a version of this with Parcells and the Cowboys. Belichick would bring some competency and stability but would be unable to overcome all the problems that come from shitty ownership

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Nov 13Liked by Mike Tanier

Devante Adams got out of Las Vegas with a Hemmy, which is an award winning acting performance for feigning a hamstring injury. During his final days with the Raiders, Adams spent his bench time with a towel over his head and a grimace on his face.

Within days of this trade to the Jets, Adams gave what Rodgers referred to as the realist speech Rodgers had ever heard about the Jets poor attitude. Certainly the younger Jets were impressed by the Hemmy statuette atop Adams' locker shelf.

One look at Raiders owner Mark Davis and his pet haircut leads to a second look for the other two Stooges.

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Adams is a hemmy-powered drone, screaming down the boulevard.

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"Rookie D.J. Glaze, future owner of a hip-hop donut shop" 😂😂😂

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Looking forward to your comments about Da Bears.

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author

I better start working on my Eberflus obit/autopsy.

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Ugh, that's gonna be a tough read. But I'm sure I'll chuckle a couple times through my tears of rage.

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The brightest light for the Raiders is Bowers. Rookie tight ends usually struggle, but he already has 580 receiving yards, tops at the position, ahead of your Kelces and Kittles and everyone else. And yes, this is partly because the Raiders have nobody else to throw to, but they don't really have anyone who can THROW, either.

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Coming into the season, I thought the Raiders had enough front-line talent to win 7-9 games. Except for at QB, that is, and Minshew and O'Connell have played worse than I thought they would. And I didn't reckon on Pierce being a terrible head coach and leader, though I probably should have.

On the other hand, if a simple change in leadership (coaching, QB) could earn the team 4-5 more wins, then that assessment may not have been so far off . Unfortunately, the one leadership position that should change is at the top. Mark Davis seems like a decent fellow who lacks strategic vision and the toughness to push it through. He's also poor, relative to his peers.

I also think you're too kind to GM Tom Telesco, Mike. He had 11 years and a pair of pretty good QBs to build something with the Chargers and only managed 3 playoff appearances, all first-round losses. Other than taking Herbert in 2020, Telesco's last four drafts haven't netted nearly enough depth or high-end players.

Finally, the Raiders now find themselves competing in a division where the 3 other teams have A-list head coaches and ownership that at minimum knows how to write the checks and otherwise get out of the way.

As long as that's the case, I'm gonna fade the Raiders in every way possible. Maybe they'll luck into some good seasons now and again, but I doubt sustained success is in the cards for them.

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I thought the Raiders were a 7-win team, too. Sacks, running game, bad division. They could still land with 6 or 7.

I don't love Telesco, but the injury luck he had with his top draft picks was legitimately bad. Lotta guys played well as rookies but were then hurt constantly until they were second-contract guys.

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"Everything about Davis’ public demeanor suggests that he spends his days in a penthouse rage-crying at the portrait of his father above the mantle of a fake fireplace before finally hurling a scotch bottle at it so feebly that the bottle does not even break." Mike, you sure you weren't an English teacher instead of a Math teacher? Like this sentence is cinema.

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Geez Mike, don’t hold back - tell us what you really think of Mark Davis and Antonio Pierce!

Seriously tho, excellent article!! I haven’t had a good laugh like this in a while! Humpty Dumpty costume - ha!

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I don't dislike Pierce. But gosh has he skated on vibes and wishful thinking.

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I didn't know about all of the college rule violations. That seems like a legit reason to dislike him.

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That one I'm actually not all that sure about. NCAA football (and basketball) recruiting is just so, so shady. Especially when you're Arizona State trying to compete with the actual Big Boys, with BIG! Money alumni $upporter$.

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I dislike Pierce now that he threw 3 basically-innocent guys under the bus.

My guess is that those were the three guys more hired by Telesco than Pierce. So Antonio dumped 3 guys who weren't 'HIS Guys!'

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I think

“Aidan O’Connell is the David Mills of Mike Glennons”

is the funniest thing I’ve read this year. And it’s November.

Is Antonio Pierce the Boris Johnson of Mike Singletaries?

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Pierce's unfitness for the job was clearly indicated in Week 1, with that horrible punt on 4th-and-1 decision. (and when I think it's horrible, man it definitely is horrible)

'We win with DEE-fense!!!' is how defense-background head coaches who never should've been promoted above defensive responsibilities head coach. It's what they do, it's what they are. Buddy Ryan was both the exemplar and most-head-coach-capable of that extensive crew.

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I am a Raiders fan and would happily accept Sanders & Son. What Deion managed to do with the defense and Oline in Colorado after last year’s dumpster fire is very impressive. All the QBs in this year’s draft have minuses. And I think he will have enough knowledge of college players to be able to hit in the draft.

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Nov 13Liked by Mike Tanier

The issue with transitioning Deion to the pro game is the NFL doesn’t offer free agent contracts to every player in the league every year in a salary capless free for all.

And Boulder is a far nicer place for a young athletes to smoke weed than Las Vegas.

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An NFL coach Deion might have a good idea about players taken in the first two rounds, but playoff teams are built in rounds 3, 4 and 5. That takes a fulltime team in the player personnel department reviewing film and keeping vast amounts of info on college players. Sanders would be guessing after the second round. Head coaches certainly have input with their teams' GMs, but it's the GMs and staff that are doing all the important legwork.

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And also take another look at the braying asshole comment; actually, Sanders would fit right in!

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Do previous-long-time college coaches (most all of which have a lot more longer-time college experience than Deion) have a good record of hitting in the NFL draft? This would be easy enough to check such that I imagine it would've been noticed by now. So I really, really doubt it.

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author

I do not think so. College coaches are good at scouting the 12 opponents they face and have dim memories of their favorite recruits. That is a GREAT way to draft exactly the way Mayock did.

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